HEROES NOT WELCOME
The tagline you already set
The Dark Duke, Vodkanov, sends his miserable minions deep into the dungeons to guard utterly meaningless treasures. You control this pitiful pixel-creep while heroes and priests jump all over your back. Made by exactly one exhausted human with questionable coding skills. Expect pointless menus, cursed loot, and an oracle that only talks about discounts you’ll never get.
> Features
- Collect gold to ignore your thirst
- Meet the Oracle – answers questions you didn’t ask
- 100+ useless items: rings, swords, and beer mugs of disappointment
- Bugs carefully preserved as core mechanics
- Pixel art so retro it feels like a ransom note
> FAQ
Q: Is this worth the money?
A: Only if you collect regrets.
Q: Multiplayer?
A: No, you don’t have friends.
Q: When’s the update?
A: When the developer finds water. Or coffee.
Q: Is it really buggy?
A: Yes. That’s not a problem, that’s lore.